Thoughts and what not

I’ve been thinking lately about the course that lives take as they progress throughout the years. Nothing ever seems to stay the same but I don’t know if it’s the times or perhaps just the fact that I’m still young and inexperienced. At 19 years of age I can hardly find any definite, long lasting answers to the questions that I ask myself on nights that seem as if I were the only one alive at the time. Sometimes, time stands still and I look at my past and think about my future and I dare say that I cringe a little bit; I am afraid of what will become of what I thought I had for sure. Things slip through my fingers and get carried away by whim, without reason and I am left staring at the fading background of memories past. The colors of autumn fade to winter-y shades and along with them so do the feelings and memories that once accompanied a heart warming spring. Cold nights like these leave me thinking about uncertain future’s and fickle resolve to keep anything the way it is. But perhaps I don’t mind it at all, perhaps this is my natural state and I’m just feeling estranged after being away from it for such a long time. I wonder if I’ll come to a stop eventually and something will set me free from the suspended state I am in? I wonder if there is such a thing as reality or if it’s just something that we create? I no longer feel any ties to these empty places for there is nothing that could keep me here looking at the starving faces of the memories of past experiences.

I had a dream

So yeah last night I had a dream, well more like a nightmare, I was at this salon trying to get my haircut but then the person that was supposed to cut my hair is like, “You look disgusting!” So then I’m like, “Say whaaaaa?!” and they get a mirror and show me a horrible unibrow that has grown on my forehead and my beard is growing all patchy-like and I’m like “*Faints*.” I’ve never had a unibrow although I do pluck the hairs that show up there in between from time to time. That I can attribute to the trauma that I had when I was in Junior High and someone poked fun at me for having one even though it was OBVIOUS I didn’t, I mean a few hairs doesn’t equate to having a monobrow. Sigh. Oh, I figured out Brad Pitts workout schedule for when he played his character in Fightclub and it looks like I’ll be getting ripped soon enough ( ￣ー￣)

Something about us

Every breathe I take seems to think only of the next inhale that I’ll make; anticipating the sweet taste of life that I’ll intake and coping with the bitter exhales of life that take away from it. They took memories and emotions left for dead but bitterness is an acquired taste that one can only truly understand after having experienced it at its best. Thus my life forever swinging back and forth, suspended in nothingness, leaving with me all the experiences of the past which will only serve as a foundation for a future that’s untold. Favors are asked without regard for these tired souls and it seems that redemption, for either, is far from home. “I may not have been the right one…it may not have been the right time…but I’ll miss you more than anyone I’ve ever known”; yet paradoxically you will become an unknown factor that goes untold, and soon no longer will I mourn even a little of the misery that I had cast upon my soul. People seem to forget that sometimes we dream while were awake and when we wake up the reality that we’ve created is more horrid than any nightmare we could have ever imagined.