Rock, steel, truth.

I am a rock, a piece of steel, nothing harder shall you find that is real. Lately i’ve been wondering if it would matter to care or not, if im just being selfish by feeling as I do. It seems evident that prudence in my case has not been a concern, from the beginning that was made clear. The great equalizer makes me kneel and I feel myself gazing at what is me now and I feel defeated. Fortunately as fortune would have it, defeat is a state of being which can be changed by changes in our actions and demeanor. I think and I wonder how highly must a person think of themselves to assume the position of God himself, assuming he exists, to teach lessons of life and justifying their actions through a phrase that has degenerated to cliché. “Do the ends justify the means?” Now obviously asking this would imply you believe they do, and albeit I recongize the philosphical importance of the question, I still have to ask “When did you ascend to the status of a deity?” They assume their truth is the correct one, assuming a sickening omniscent-esque attitude of what is and isn’t. Objectivity exists in truth and virtue, now if you want to lie to yourselves claiming its a question of perspecive to avoid your own persecution for your own deeds that is another matter in itself. A friend told me that someone had learned to see through this worlds “bullshit”, I then wondered if he ever saw his own reflection in the mirror. Is this ”bullshit” determined by your own personal expert analysis on what is and isn’t “bullshit”? What is seems to me is like another excuse to excuse the inexcusable. Oh what depravity to claim such pompous ridculous and absurd statements, at this point I am thoroughly sickened. And this is why I refuse to not have feeling to this, because there is truth that exists and that does not include self-made de facto truths. As anyone reads this they may think that I am ruled by emotion, and I would say “Indeed I am.” I refuse to be stoic to this perversion. I have been handed a sword made of steel, unbreakable steel, this swords purpose is to defend truth or at least the idea of it, I myself may not know every truth there exists, but I think that I can easily distinguish what isn’t. That is why I now pre-emptively strike, maybe almost on the verge of insanity as I venture out to this feat. But then again “to the sober person adventurous conduct often seems insanity.” Philosophy has taught me to ”do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. ” In the end excuses can be dsiguised to seem like truth, but it is objective truth, real truth, that contains what we all seek.

Thought’s about thinking for the thoughtful.

It’s strange lately i’ve been on track with things, usuall i’ve felt as if everything I did was out of pure chance and nothing was under my control. This is why this situation seems so bizzare to me, I suppose I could acredit some of this to school…I hate to admit it, but I have really been pushed beyond my academic limits into territory that is foriegn to me, I take time to learn things better and I listen in class more attentively. Mind you there is a difference between forcing yourself to listen and getting the “gist of things” and really wanting to understand and absorb what is being presented to you. I’ve written a lot for just about every single subject im currently taking, along with that i’ve done substantial research and for it I think that somehow it’s all starting to come together. Last year I struggled, I really didn’t know what to make of the sudden raise in the quality of work I was being expected to produce, but at the same time I think it made me want to achieve it. Math was really a pain for me last year as was physics, but this year I just don’t see limits to what I could comprehend simply because everything seems to be defined so clearly that there is no ambiguity in what is learned and instead everything just builds upon itself. I rarely feel like this, and to avoid this fact I really take little concern with my life in general and I don’t like to make myself concerned about things that most of the time seem to be out of my control. So then I realize that I like to think that I don’t have control over what happens maybe because then I can’t blame myself for what happens, but in reality I orchestrate this symphony and no matter how I look at it, everything points back at me. I guess it’s kind of like having a memory that you don’t want to remember and you avoid it the moment it pops up in your head, but in reality you feel defeated after doing so because you realize that you’ve only avoided the obvious and sooner or later it will rise again. So a while back I decided to admit my embrassment to myself, my anger, my sadness, for I am not ashamed about this and the only thing I should be ashamed of is having tried to hide these feelings in the first place. If one does this, as I have, it seems that we start this endless game of cat and mouse…the memories chasing you through the alleyways of your mind and you find yourself scrambling for any bit of hope that might hint at another great escape from the past. The absurdity of having to realize that you run from these things so desperately is degrading. It is not perchance that we hide from these truths but because we fear ourselves, but how absurd that we should fear that which we know best…thought’s that belong to us and we have complete control over.