Tribulations

I don’t think that a person can completely forget things, if we do forget them then we forget the past and in doing that we risk forgetting our mistake. Unfortunately by doing this we are constantly reminded of those mistakes, so I guess we live with them constantly and consciously. Then when we say “starting over” we don’t really mean to say that we’ll being anew, instead we mean that we’ll keep those thoughts to ourselves; to completely start over you need to start with new material and begin from a fresh crop to truly leave everything behind. Do people willingly choose to live with the past breathing down their spine? Maybe we become so numb to its presence that we eventually begin to think it a part of our lives. Maybe more so than not being able to let go of the past people are reminded of it by the unchanging present. We learn through many different ways: language, reason, emotion, and sense perception. Emotion and reason are two things that I think many times contradict each other because our emotion is deeply tied with our personal bias of things that we let it obscure and distort reason. Truly these two should be in harmony not disarray. So this emotion that arises when the past is present is somehow distorting my personal objective view on things? It may very well possibly be. The real question then is: Is what your fighting for worth the fight? Ultimately that’s what we do in our everyday lives, we ask ourselves “Is this worth it?”, we weigh the rewards and repercussions. So it is the daily struggle of having to stand strong in what you believe and what your fighting for that amazes me most. As for myself I’ve realized that I don’t know if i’ll win this war, but I will keep trying until my existance ceases to be.

Swallowed

I found a song that I really connected with, here is a post that complements it. [Coldplay - Swallowed by the Sea]

I suppose I can only blame myself and you can only blame me, all the while you’ve made me realize that sometimes I forget to breathe and that I need to swim ashore away from this sunken vessel in this sea. I suppose that I kept you far too long without recognizing my disease, all the while you’ve cut me down to size and i’ve come to realize that I should have never dared to stray so far from what brought me to be. I’ve traveled far from your love and it all still brought me back to this singularity. To forget and not forgive living with nothing left to give is no life that I want to lead. But at times it seems that my monstrosity is best left left swallowed in the sea, the image that reflects off of you begets self-hatred in even the hardest part of me. This road, one-thousand miles long, is the road that I lead, I’d ask for your company but I realize that you still hold on to the faults that used to be, and I fear this might cripple me permanantly. So where do I belong, could you finally tell me without placing fees on your certainty?

A thought.

“The greatest crimes are not those committed for the sake of necessity but those committed for the sake of superfluity.”
- Aristotle