“The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can’t stop
Ever wonder if it’s all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of
The wave can’t stop
Come and tell me when it’s time to…”

Been addicted to Red Hot Chili Peppers’ song “Can’t Stop.” I’ve had it on repeat for a while. Every once in a while I ask myself why I am doing things and I realize that I don’t know. I don’t know what the purpose of this life we live is. Sure to live and be a good person sounds great but life like that would be too boring I need something else something more substantial. I need something to fight for. Something worth fighting for, I want to have it with me to protect I want to put everything I have on the line for it. I guess I want something that brings purpose to me but it also seems like I’ll need to find it myself. I guess that’s why loneliness scares me so much because it leaves me with nothing and I feel like going on is pointless and I feel like I’ve been living just breathing in and out without ever really taking notice of all the things around me.

Thusday test and goodbye

Took a chem test today and I think I did really well. This is actually the first time that I’ve felt this good about a test so I’m really happy with the results. Things are back to how they were half a year ago the solitude isn’t that bad and I’ve gotten used to all the other emotions. I guess having her constantly come and go as she pleased kind of made me used to the feeling of seeing her just walk away at any moments notice. I don’t really hold anything against anyone though I mean we both have done our share of things, who’s done worse is arguable but pointless in the end. The future seems kind of fuzzy and uncertain and I guess I’ve gotten used to not knowing that as well. I’m not that afraid to head into it and I guess I’ll just go without looking back this time. I made sure that there was nothing being left behind that was worth saving at least on her end. I’m just going to keep on going and mold a new future for myself one where I can be a little more selfish than I’ve been these past few years. I practically focused my attention on her in the sense that she was the center of my world. There were times when we were going through rocky places but nonetheless she was always the center of everything to me. I can’t really keep making her the center of what I do because she of course doesn’t see me like that either. I hope it works out for her although sometimes it seems to me that shes looking for ideals that she won’t readily find and she keeps focusing on things at a microscopic level which doesn’t allow her to see the whole picture. I rather not tell her this because I figure she’ll just ignore what I say. I guess she still has things to find out about herself. It seems that a lot of times we do need the help of an external figure to helps us see things in ourselves that we don’t readily see from the beginning and sometimes I think she blocks these words out without really thinking about what they are saying and how they could help her. I do hope things work out for her and that she doesn’t come to the conclusion that this wasn’t for the best. I wouldn’t be mad but opportunities lost are almost never regained. Well I can’t really say anything else so I guess that’s it for this blog.

Crap software

So apparently the ass-holes at “ALEKS” decided that thoroughly confusing students they are teach through their software was a good way to endorse their product. This program is supposed to teach you concepts and how to work problems based on what you don’t know, kind of like a personal tutor except it’s free. Today I sat down to finish my objective but I kept getting things wrong and finally I’ve decided that I’ve been had. Yes, this program purposefully tells me my right answers are wrong. It had me on the verge of ripping the hairs out of my skull, I thought I was going insane or at least slightly mentally retarded because I couldn’t get anything right. I don’t know. I’m quite peeved though I think I’ll go run it off.